WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after
folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote
control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused
to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down
the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can
help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for
his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a
ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were
looking for some
tampons
for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this,
yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she
came back with a
tin of
tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's
sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much
cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so
does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would
need his wife
to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business
flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he
wrote
on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00
AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to
go and see why
his
wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece
of paper by the
bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.